My sixth grader looked up. “What, mom?”
“Oh, I’m editing this study guide I wrote. One of the questions is ‘Are you being discipled?’ How would you answer that, buddy?”
He got that pensive look he wears. “Yes,” he said. “By you, Dad, Joel, and Mike.”
My husband and I have two sets of kids. Our first set came to live with us out of a high-risk situation soon after we were married. I started going to church and was saved during their early teen years, and I dutifully took them to youth group twice a week, and to all the special functions. It wasn’t necessarily a positive experience for us, though I think there were many factors that contributed to that.
We’ve done things a little differently with our two youngest kids.
For instance, we homeschool. With our older two kids we felt we lost too much discipleship time as they attended public school, learning a worldview that opposed our own. We also don’t have video games in our home this time around. We decided that games altered our children’s temperament and motivation, and we didn’t see a good cause for them.
In matters big and small, we’ve learned and adjusted our parenting. Also, we’re walking firmly with Christ now, which is a foundational change!
Christian Youth Group
When it came time to choose whether our younger children would attend youth group, I experienced a kind of paralysis.
We’d done a hybrid approach to church with our younger kids, bringing them to service with us, sending them to the children’s area during Sunday School, and taking them to AWANA. Recently, there’s been a lot discussion in broader American Protestantism about family integration and whether youth groups are necessary, or even harmful.
My husband and I debated the value (or lack thereof) of church youth groups for close to two years. We’re not opposed to outside activities, and our boys are in a number of them. But we wanted to be certain time spent in a church youth group would spiritually develop our kids rather than be time spent on questionable activities or teachings labeled “Christian” that actually weren’t.
We didn’t want our kids to see church as a place they went to be entertained, but rather a place to grow and to serve. To allay my concerns, I spoke with Christian youth group parents and volunteers, and got to know our youth pastor (our older kids had a different pastor).
To Youth Group or Not to Youth Group
In the end, my husband and I decided to send our boys to youth group.
The teaching in our church’s youth group was sound, and any differences in biblical understanding would be a good opportunity for discussion at home.
We want our boys to form strong male friendships, and we believe in mentorship. We also felt the group was careful with gender mixing. They separated into discussion groups based on gender, and had good boundaries between boys and girls, which a big deal with adolescents.
Ultimately, we wanted our kids to have the opportunity to own and develop their faith now, while they are still at home. We believe youth group gives them the opportunity to do so.
A year and a half into our youth group experiment, I witnessed my boys develop and grow personally and spiritually. After a weekend at snow camp, they both came home and began reading the Bible on their own daily, checking in with an accountability partner. We do Bible Road Trip™ and have family worship, but this is reading they chose to do. In middle school, the boys made friends who were actively seeking Christ. The best part for me was that our kids have godly men pouring time and energy into mentoring them.
When our boys were in high school, our family moved to the coast and our kids started attending a new youth group, making even more friends who love Jesus. The kids supported each other, spent time together, and talked about their faith in Jesus.
Why We Love Youth Group
I’m sure I would feel differently about sending my kids to youth group if the teaching was heretical. If I was worried about ungodly activities, I would definitely question the value of youth group.
Here, though, is what I feel our boys have gained from being active members of two Christian youth groups over 7 years:
- Christian friends who love Jesus and want to live out their faith
- Discipleship from godly Christian men who care about teens
- A sense of purpose in their week as they order their days with activities that serve God
- Opportunities to serve our community and on missions teams
We haven’t abdicated our God-given role of discipleship as parents, rather we have broadened the godly influences in our kids’ lives.
Are all youth groups edifying and biblical? Probably not.
But I’m grateful our church bodies have made a strong, Bible-oriented youth group a priority.
I’m also glad my son is able to list men who love Jesus amongst those who are discipling him. I’m thankful both boys will grow up having learned about God from my husband Ed–and also from Joel, Mike, Nathan, Chris, Jim, Andrew, Brandon, AJ, Sam, and the other men who have shown up and counseled our kids.
What a gift.
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Help Your Kids Learn and Love the Bible
You want your kids to learn and love the Bible.
You want to teach the Bible…
As parents, we deeply desire the best for our kids. We look for the right schools, we make them eat right and exercise, and we get them involved in extracurricular activities. We take our job as parents seriously.
But are we also putting our time and energy into
teaching them the Bible? Giving them the life-changing, soul-nourishing words of Scripture is not only doable, it’s an essential part of parenting kids for Jesus. And the good news is, studying God’s Word as a family doesn’t have to be difficult!
2 Timothy 2:15, ESV, says:
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,
a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.
Our job, as parents who love Jesus, is to help our kids become approved workers, unashamed and rightly handling the word of truth.
The good news? Teaching the Bible isn’t hard. Your family can learn the Bible together.
…and you can!
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You will finish this book feeling encouraged and empowered to initiate and strengthen your child’s relationship with the Lord through His Word.
Help Your Kids Learn and Love the Bible will equip you with everything you need to know to teach the Bible to your kids!
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I agree with your comments. I really think that the youth group question has to be discussed and prayed through for each young person and each church youth group. My kids have also been involved in ours but it only meets monthly and they don’t do all the activities. It is far from the primary influence in their lives; my husband and I and their siblings are.
This is an important topic to think and pray about. Not all youth groups are created equal. We feel that the youth group at our church has a great Biblical foundation which incorporates a variety of activities and opportunities to serve. Since we homeschool, its also a wonderful place for them to fellowship with their friends and get to know other teens. Parents also have the opportunity to participate in the activities which gives us a chance to fellowship with other parents and to get to know the other teens better. Of course, parents should be the primary role models and Biblical authorities in their children’s lives.
Excellent thoughts and I agree with Jennifer. So much needs to be evaluated the context and child.
For us, we have allowed (encouraged?) even less than optimal youth group situations overseas, primarily for the social interaction. But even those have provided lots of good at-home convos…
Sounds like you’re blessed with a really good group. If you or your readers aren’t aware of the Gen2 Survey, you might want to take a look at those results. They were eye-opening to me.
Sally, that survey appears to be heavily based on schooling choices. I only saw a brief mention about church activity, with one number pertaining to youth groups. I may be missing your point. 🙂
It is an interesting survey. I do always wonder about the different e between linked events and causality, and Generations with Vision seems to be quite confident boldly stating causality.
I agree with you and most especially with your belief that youth groups should be a lot more about helping kids to grow and serve and less about entertaining them.